Working on second week

Well, as you would see on my weigh-in page, my first week was not the greatest example.  Turns out there are several things working against me this time around.  I’m almost 48 years old and for the past 10 years I’ve been suffering with hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings, etc.  All the signs of menopause.  I’m still getting my period on and off, which of course decided this was the perfect time to show itself again.  I know this weight is going to be much slower coming off this time around, but it will come off!

Time for me to head to the grocery store to stock up for this week.  I’m just about out of my fruits and veggies.

I’m Back!

So much has changed in my life since I last posted, I don’t even know where to begin!  The last time I blogged it was about my depression.  Well, that episode lasted so much longer then even I expected.  Right at the beginning of the year in 2009 we found out that the estate of my late grandparents was invested and managed by Chicago’s mini-Madoff!  Turns out that the gentlemen my grandparents trusted with all of their money was running a Ponzi scheme.  My sisters and I lost our entire inheritance.  Because of this, I lost my home and moved into my sister’s basement while I try to find a full time job.  Turns out I had to work 4 part-time jobs just to try to survive.

In November of 2009 my luck started turning around.  I met the most amazing guy.  He’s been my rock since I met him.  I’ve been extremely lucky to find someone to love and who loves me.  By July of 2010 I was moving into my own apartment back in Chicago and a couple of months later one of my many part-time jobs offered me a full-time job!

I quit smoking…again (3rd time) on 31 Jan 2011.  On my 100th day of not smoking, I was sitting at work, very unhappy with my weight as I had struggled to find a top in my closet that fit good.  I had gained about 25 pounds with quitting smoking.  So, while I had been playing the idea of going back to WW, I had done nothing about it.  It was time to change that.  I went online and immediately looked up meetings and purchased my monthly pass.

Wednesday was my first meeting in years.  I really think I’m going to enjoy this location and leader.  He was funny and didn’t follow a script, which is great!   Well time to go, I’m off to go walking with a friend.  Oh yes, I have to retrain myself to exercise all over again.

Depression

This past week has been an extremely bad week for me emotionally.  I’ve been wavering between crying my eyes out, to wanting to bite someone’s head off (anyone’s head, doesn’t matter who), to wanting to make someone else cry.  The sad thing is, it’s not going to get any easier for me till after the new year.

See this, the time of the “holidays”, was my late husband’s favorite time of the year.  It was cool enough for him to work comfortably outside (he was a bricklayer).  Then there was the whole hoopla about decorating for Christmas.  It started the day after Thanksgiving and he’d sit for hours just watching the lights.  Personally, I haven’t been able to bring myself to decorating since he died.

Anyway, in 2005, right around this time, the end of October/beginning of November, he started having more problems breathing.  So we made an appointment with the doctor.  His oxygen level was in the low 80s, so the doctor sent him to the ER where he was admitted.  While in the hospital they discovered a mass in his lung.  He came out of the hospital on 24/7 of oxygen and the visits to find out if he cancer began.  He had a PET scan done by mid December, and then on December 26, 2005 we found out he did have cancer, it was advanced and hospice should be called in.  We just didn’t know for sure what kind of cancer was killing him.  It was either the return of his esophageal cancer or it was a “new” cancer, lung cancer.  My husband decided to not find out.  He was gone from this world on January 16, 2006.

Since his death, I’ve had an extremely hard time dealing with “this” time of the year.  I want to crawl into bed, pull the covers over my head and not come out until next year.  But I can’t.  So, I have to muddle through the best I can.  I’d love to be able to afford some depression medication, but without health insurance I can’t right now.  It’s taking every fiber of willpower I have to not run to the store and buy up as much chocolate and ice cream I can.  I did beg a Reese’s PB cup off of my neighbor though.  Not bad considering I wanted a whole bag!  I settled for one.

Grief is one of the hardest things to get through.  It can hit you all at once, or like mine, it comes in these huge waves where it floods everything around you.  Right now, I’m in hurricane season.

Back to Exercise

Well, finally the pain in my mouth has faded away.  So now I can handle exercising again.  I’m back to using my treadmill.  Today I added a few minutes of running to my walk.  Boy were my lungs feeling it!  I might need to use my inhaler before I run again.  I think I did three 1 minute runs in my walk and I was really having a hard time catching my breathe after each run.  This from a woman who has never ran!  When I was in high school and our gym teacher would have us run, I walked.

I did so-so with my diet while I was recovering from having 14 teeth pulled.  At least I didn’t gain any weight, but I also didn’t lose any weight.  Eating is still tough because I don’t have any back teeth at this time.  Starting December 1st I will begin my appointments to be fitted for my dentures.  Once they are done, most likely January 26th, my remaining teeth will be pulled and my new teeth put right in.

In an effort to save money, I canceled my Weight Watchers monthly pass and instead joined The Biggest Loser Club.  It’s $20 cheaper, and instead of counting points I’ll be counting calories.

Pain, pain, go away

Yep, I did it.  Had my back teeth pulled yesterday.  On December 1st, I have an appointment to take my first set of impressions to make my dentures.  Then after a few appointments, my new teeth should be ready by January 26th.  My front teeth can be removed any time after that, because they will put my dentures in as soon as the front teeth are pulled.  This helps with any bleeding and swelling.

I decided to quit going to Weight Watchers for right now.  I can really only eat soft foods, which sometimes are higher in points.  So, for now, I’m just going to watch my calorie intake.  Once I no longer have pain in my face from bending over I’m going to go back to doing the 30 Day Shred.

I never wanted to lose weight this way, but in the long run, I’m doing this for my health.  I won’t have to worry about plaque getting in my heart from my periodontal disease.  Nor will I have to deal with the abscess teeth anymore.  I’m very happy I made this decision!

Huge Step

I’m taking a huge step in my “new” me.  Besides losing weight and exercising, I am making another major change.

I’ve been plagued for years with pain in my teeth, but I haven’t had dental insurance to do anything about it.  Now, my teeth are too far gone for my pocketbook.  So, I’ve decided to have my teeth pulled and switch over to dentures.  Yes, some people might think I’m too young (I’m 45), but I’ve known since I was a child that this day would come.  My teeth have always been horrible and I come from a family of horrible teeth.  I get cavities at the drop of a hat, no matter how much I took care of them.  I’ve always had gum issues too.  In fact, when I was 4 years old, a dentist wanted to cut all the roots in my mouth!  Needless to say, my mother fired him, but it just goes to show you what I’ve gone through throughout the years.

Next Wednesday I’m scheduled to have my back teeth removed.  Once my gums heal, about 8 weeks, my dentist will take impressions for my dentures and will have them made.  Then once they are made and I have them in hand, I’ll have the front teeth removed and my dentures put right in.  So, I’m hoping by Christmas I’ll have my new teeth.

Just think, no more pain, no more abscesses, no more cracked teeth, etc.  I can’t wait!

One the weight loss front, I lost 1.8 pounds this past week, and quite frankly, I’m shocked!  I haven’t done that great with my choices or with journaling.  I’m also not sure what kind of weight loss I’ll have after next week, because I’ll be on soft foods until I get my dentures.  Ah well, we’ll see what will happen, but no matter what, I will continue.

Tiny blip

Yesterday I had my first tiny blip in my weight loss journey.  I knew when I left my house that the scales were not going to be kind, so I wasn’t surprised when it showed I had gained .4 of a pound.  I suffer with IBS and because I’ve been under some stress, my IBS is acting up.  So, I felt pretty bloated yesterday morning when I woke up.  I was actually surprised the gain was so little, so hopefully next week it will be a good weigh in.

I walked today on my treadmill at an incline of 3 for the whole walk.  I feel it in my legs now.  I did try doing some running a couple of days ago, but I don’t like the feel of my fat flapping, so I think I’ll wait a while longer before I try running again.

30 Day Shred

I noticed on my cable’s On Demand under the Exercise TV section, they had Level 1 of this DVD.  So today I decided to give it a try.  I had watched it yesterday and it looked like it would be mostly easy.  How wrong can one person be??!!

I couldn’t even complete the full 20 minutes of Level 1!  I collapsed in a heap on the floor after about 12 minutes.  I only got through 2 circuits.  I laid there on the floor, sweating, overheated, and panting for breathe for another 5 minutes.

All of this convinced me that I need to buy this DVD!  I want to master Level 1.  I want to get to the point were doing this level feels easy.  Then I will move on to Level 2.  While yes, I need to lose weight, I’m not in this for the 20 pounds in 30 days part.  I’m in this to get healthy and fit.  This DVD will help me in accomplishing the fit goal.

I’m admitting that before I started this journey on July 15th, I had no clue who Jillian Michaels was.  I was one of the few souls who had never watched The Biggest Loser.  I’m going to explore the other TBL DVD’s to see if I like any of the other ones.

Thinking Positive

Weight Watchers has these tools to help you succeed with your weight loss, which they call “Tools for Living“. Well yesterday’s meeting topic was about the “Positive Self-talking”. I actually feel it should be called “Positive Self-thinking”. We tend to set ourselves up for failure by negative thinking, which in turns gets buried into our subconscious and when that happens, your subconscious doesn’t let you succeed. So we have to quit repeating negative thoughts about our weight loss or our exercise routines. We have to start repeating positive thoughts to ourselves, often, until they become a part of our subconscious.

Another thing we have to start doing is making our goals in present tense, not future tense. Our subconscious does not have a future, so if we make our goals in present tense, our subconscious will help us succeed.

Some of my favorite positive statements to use are:

• I am 100% responsible for my results.
• Whatever it takes, I’ll do it.
• I like eating healthy foods.
• I love working out.
• I have time for anything I am committed to.
• I can do it.

I’ve changed my goals from “I will exercise 6 days a week” to “I am exercising 6 days a week” and “I will lose 100 pounds” to “I am losing 100 pounds”.

Yes, it’s a mind game, but it’s a mind game to succeed!

Food Journal – 09/16/2008

Morning 7.5 points used
1  medium banana(s)
1/2 cup 1% low-fat milk
1 cup Fiber One Caramel Delight
4  Tbsp Fat-Free French Vanilla Liquid Creamer

Midday 7.5 points used
1/2 cup 1% low-fat cottage cheese
1  cup celery
2  slices Italian bread
1 slice Kraft 2% American Cheese
17  items Tiny Pretzel Twists
3  slices Smoked Turkey Breast
1  serving Tribe Hummus Classic – 2 Tbsp.

Evening 10.5 points used
1  cup Ronzoni Smart Taste Spaghetti
1  cup cucumber(s)
1  cup tomato(es)
1  serving Ragu sauce
1/4 cup fat-free Italian salad dressing
2  tsp olive oil
1  Tbsp Promise Light
2  slices Italian bread

Food POINTS values total used 25.5
Food POINTS values remaining     3.5

Activity
30 min bicycling, moderate     2
Activity POINTS values earned     2